While I have never heard her swear, she does use four letter words frequently. Her current go-to word is “can’t”. As in: “I can’t do that”. Sometimes its replaced with “I don’t know how to do that.” Or more directly: “I won’t know how to fix it”. This phrase is trotted out when there are items to be searched and pop up windows appear with adverts or annoying flashing boxes.  

We have spent multiple sessions together talking about what is on the screen and clicking on tabs and discussing how to get rid of unwanted things, but when I next spend time with her, she uses more four letter words. Is it learned helplessness? Is it a failure of memory to recall how we solved the problem previously? Or is it an easy excuse, a sabotage of learning or a worry that she might break something? Or that she likes to be dependant on her teacher to rectify things that are going wrong? Recently she even asked neighbours to help out fixing a problem on the tablet!

Bishop’s book: “Stop doing that Shi*t” has been a must read over the last few days and I greatly enjoy his approach to ‘ending self sabotage and demanding your life back’. He talks about auto response triggers (p. 43) that you ‘barf’ up to yourself to give a reason not to do something or to take action.

Mum has it in spades. So every time I hear a four letter word; I offer encouragement, saying “of course you can, you did it last time” and we progress a small step forward to make the change to the tablet screen. We edge a little closer to the next challenge. It’s not that she can’t or won’t learn. She loves craft projects and is always on the look out for the next new thing and she challenges herself with how creative and inspiring she can be. She even runs a class or two for her peers to teach them something new.  

After I have finished with my copy of the book, I will pass it onto her with pages marked for her to consider. Maybe she will stop going that sh*t!

If you need help to start coaching others – we have a workshop for that: email carol@onedaytraining.co.nz 

Book reference: Bishop, G. J. 2019. Stop doing that Sh*t, end self-sabotage and demand your life back. HarperOne, New York.